Unpopular opinion: ordering cakes is an art. I'm an aspiring Amrita Sher-Gil who works with home bakers in putting together the final product worthy of being displayed at the NGMA.

What else did you expect with my username here?

There are two types of people in this world; people who will accept a cake for what it is and people who will go all out and put their mind into trying to figure out and create a cake and make it a bigger deal than it should be. As someone who belongs to the second category of people listed here, I would like to confirm that my anxiety peaks when I’m responsible for ordering cakes.

Yep, ordering. Not baking, not prepping. Ordering.

That also further distinguishes the idea of cake procurement between the two sub-groups we described early on. People who don’t quite care about cakes, don’t mind a readymade cake from the rack of any bakery/general store for all and sundry occasions. They'll also be the ones who will abandon reading this essay-ish right here.

As for the rest, who believe that cake off the rack is sacrilege, good luck with your attempts to find happiness in this world. This shit gets harder each year.

I have been the designated cake person for everyone in my life for close to a decade now. I fell in love with the science that baking is towards the end of my teenage years. Throughout the Master’s degree in my early 20s, I poured my anger and frustration about the uselessness of the programme and my annoying classmates into each batter that I whipped. Back then, I baked nearly every week. Somehow, people around me seemed to enjoy what came out of it, more than the screenplays I wrote (and tore) and the films we made. It’s also a solid reason why I have good friendships from Master’s today. People like other people who bake cakes, more than people who make films.

Almost as soon as the programme was done, I stopped baking. I switched to cooking, which I find more therapeutic in comparison. However, those years of baking and eating cakes very regularly taught me things about cakes that are beyond the general comprehension (and also serve no good to anyone).

Baking cakes is a radical act of creating joy, second only to meme making. You’re literally putting together ingredients for happiness. Liquid gooey happiness that will be warm and sweet and all yours to consume and share with your loved ones. You’re baking raw ingredients into a full-blown batter for someone to cut through it and feel elated, or whatever else, people feel.

Ordering cakes come a close second, and I say this with utmost confidence. Ordering cakes is nearly the same form of happiness, if not the same.

I’ve been told by quite a few people how cakes are unnecessary and they don’t add anything to anything, but I disagree.

If cakes were truly as insignificant, would we have a ritual to cut one cake every birthday, much to the dismay of the introverts and birthday hating gang yearly? Would Marie Antoinette’s name be etched to that lie and survive the criticism over these years?

Coming back, cakes, and ordering them has become more difficult than ever. Between cake poppers that are as extra as Komal Pandey’s makeup and baking trends that are harder to keep up with than the Kardashians, we have a lot to catch up on. By we, I mean those of us who belong to the school of thought of getting their cake fix from the nearest bakery as possible. Which isn't wrong, in any way, it's just, it's no longer considered cool. You don't have to buy into a trend, for the sake of it, but it's good to know things you're dismissing.

The advent of the home-bakers and their terminologies will tell you how that baking space and cake orders are changing rapidly. If you want to keep up with the times, read on.

If Instagram ads are to be believed, every third person in Delhi NCR is a baker offering home-baked treats including Pastries, Cheesecakes, Scones, and Chocolate barks. If that’s not true, then explain to me how is that outweighing the number of people who were tested COVID positive in India thus far?

Coming back to ordering cakes and COVID, the process to order has thrown all ends of niceties out. Everyone’s on the edge, including the bakers. For those, who make this into their profession and serve joy, everyone is out of patience.

It’s harder than ever to explain to a layperson on how frostings work and how you can’t make everything into some shape or replicate the exact designs that your potential customer sourced from Pinterest. You cannot make a cake with edible Gucci Bag as frosting if you are a baker who only works with cream cheese; and no baker has the time to explain that to you.

On the other end, the disconnect between the understanding of the client and the attitude of the home baker is another cause of concern. It can sour client relations and even before the cake is cut. Often the baker is labelled “rude”, “extra” and “haughty”.

I found myself in the middle of an extended half-hour-long conversation with a baker recently, on the exact frosting I wanted. The baker at the end of the conversation, involving an order I was trying to place, tried telling me how that frosting is “sweet” and basically implying with lengthy explanations, uncool. Which is funny, and sad, because I began the conversation with the name of the exact frosting I wanted on the cake and the baker agreed at all steps, until the very last minute. I could have gotten that right in the beginning, if the baker had been forthcoming about what he prefers working with, and did not think it's worth his time to take the correspondence further. At some point, he even quizzed me on the ingredients because he thought I'm talking out of my arse. Unfortunately, I have to say, I still went ahead with my order and we went by his preference over mine, despite my commissioned request on what I wanted.

While it was indeed good (his choice), I do know I won't recommend or go ahead with this person anytime soon, especially to someone who knows little to nothing about baking and placing an order with a home baker. It's a different school of thought that would tell you to allow a home baker to make your order into their Instagram fantasy at your cost, especially if it's a commission for a birthday cake. Or have a baker quiz you on ingredients and process when all you want is something specific that the baker has the liberty to say yes/no to instead of gaslighting you at the end of your correspondence.

My friend M confirms: she was traumatized for a whole month before my birthday with home bakers around town. She described her cake ordering process as an “ordeal” that she swears will never do again. Incidentally, she’s also the force behind this piece, “You need to write about how to deal with these home bakers.”

(It’s true though, it’s not easy being my friend and definitely, not easy ordering a cake for me.)

Coming back, if you find yourself grossly uncomfortable approaching a home baker or having confusion with this whole “artisanal food" or baking thing, consider the simple act of running your search engine hot with the name of the product your friend/loved one might enjoy.

Don’t act on the first ad-link impulse or place an order, just understand the product you are planning to order. It’s simple, it’s effective and there’s no way you can go wrong with that. Let me give you an example that should help with understanding the process I'm recommending.

I recall my time in Pune, as a rookie scholar at the NFAI, I was unfamiliar with the city and the dessert/baking scene. As a class, we decided to get a cake for our professor's birthday. When we coaxed her into telling us the cake she’d like, she picked an Orange Chiffon Cake.

The idea of “Chiffon Cake” was daunting, especially since I had heard about it only the first time there, in Pune itself. It was, by no means, an easy task to procure that in the middle of the research trip in a city we were all unfamiliar with, including me, the self-conferred baking maven.
It may come across as something extra when you wonder why did we even go all out and agree to it, but here’s the thing. She had the sweetest back story about the cake that her mom used to bake back when she was a kid, and despite her consistent reluctance into accepting anything at all, we all wanted to get her that Orange Chiffon Cake from her childhood.

Naturally, I was responsible for procuring the same, basis my past claims about baking. It involved a lot of risks, and to this day, it fills me with anxiety, thinking about fixing a cake from someone’s memory.

Now, I’m not going to brag that as a trained researcher I know my job, but I do know my job. I also know my food.

You begin the ordering process of the cake by deconstructing an order.

You start by understanding the recipe; in this case a Chiffon Cake. How does it distinguish in the sponge, the frosting, shape, taste, texture, and you move your way upwards from there. You look up recipes online and start seeing a similar pattern. Does it have frosting? Does it have fresh fruit? What does the shape look like? What does the texture look like?

For the sake of most noobs in this area of reading recipes and talking to bakers, know that people who curate recipes online usually add notes and tips to the recipes which are always helpful in understanding the idea of what makes a specific cake, stand out. This should help you making conversation with the home baker, into showing you know what you're talking about.

For example, in context to frosting, you will always see recipes and columns online describe Swiss Meringue Buttercream as “light” and Regular American Buttercream as “sweet” which should indicate the difference between the two frostings; and ideally, tell you how those two are entirely different products with the same name.

A simple search into recipes and flavour profiles can clear a lot of doubts. When you’re confident that you know what the product should look/taste/be like as per your understanding, you start your search for locating the home baker you want to try out. Here, I cannot stress enough to not trust Google Ads and to not trust Instagram ads.

The next step is to move and ask for recommendations for the specific item you are looking for. There’s no dearth of people willing to share their trusted bakers and home chefs who do justice to cakes.

From that list of suggestions, look these bakers up and see what they specialize in. Run a search on Google/Zomato/Instagram/Facebook.

No one baker has mastered everything.

Some are good with regular cakes (single tiered, frosting as per your choice), some specialize with specific frosting work (buttercream, fondant, gum paste), and some others specialize with ingredients (fruit, chocolate, cream cheese). You take from that and narrow the names down. However, go with the recommendation of someone you personally trust.

I have learned this the hard way with my parent's silver anniversary cake that was a complete sham by a home baker, who I personally knew but had never tried. It was old, crumbly and tasted disgusting. My parents could barely cut it and when we confronted the baker with the feedback, she washed her hands off it and fought for the product despite the pictures saying otherwise. It's another thing that the cake was nowhere near the end product she promised us and charged an arm and leg for it.

Last I checked, she was spamming me with health influencer content on Whatsapp before I blocked her nearly a year ago.

In my Chiffon Cake case, I did put out a word on social media at the time, and a whole bunch of bakers and connoisseurs responded. One stranger specifically recommended a home baker who specialized in Chiffon Cakes in Pune and sent her number. This had no presence online and no work to share since it was recommended by someone else who had previously tried her cake. I took a chance.

This baker lady who lived in the other part of town only took very specific requests for baking. I explained to her the situation and she agreed to bake us a hearty Orange Chiffon Cake. She was also kind enough to answer questions about the kind of frosting she was going to do and clear concerns about what would be better between the kinds that were recommended.

On the actual birthday, a fellow scholar and I went and picked the cake from this baker’s house from the army cantonment residence where she stayed with her family. The cake was gorgeous; tall with a light drip of orange juice frosting.

When our professor ate a slice she did comment on how it reminded her of her mother’s home-baked cake and this being so close to it in taste. It tasted delightful, not on the sugary sweet side and yet wholesome. It was different from a fruit flavoured sponge cake, something I had never eaten before.

In hindsight, what I did achieve back then was impossible. To find a baker and place an order for a specific cake in 3 days is a heroic task. Today, home bakers request and demand, as much as a fortnight’s time for cakes.

Which should tell you two things, either the cake is absolutely going to be worth the time, money, and effort, or that you should run the fuck away.

To determine that, I recommend either knowing someone personally who has tried their cake or definitely moving to the next home baker in line. Very few desserts are worth two weeks of advance notice and you should definitely not have to live with the struggle of placing an order that much in advance unless it’s Betty Crocker herself, doing you a favour.

Ideally, you could let the home baker know anywhere between 4-7 days in advance about your order. During Covid, I’d especially recommend doing it sooner than later cause most of the home bakers I know working out of Delhi are baking by themselves without any support staff (most professional home bakers have a trained team member or two doing the basics and the home baker then taking over for finishing touches). This current situation means an added workload on the ones who were used to working with a team.

A lot of them are also working on a principal of an existing menu system, wherein they announce what they’ll be baking and the date of delivery, you could book a slot for your order in advance.

For more recommendations, I suggest you try these home bakers out. Each of them has been personally vetted and I can definitely confirm, they won’t let you down and are not difficult to communicate with. In no order of preference whatsoever, here are my favourite home bakers to work with—

ChocolatexTonk: Suhasini Mehta in Gurgaon bakes fresh fruit and chocolate cakes on prior orders. Self-taught and mastered, her desserts are simple, wholesome, and fuss-free for those who like their cake to be traditional and sans any nonsense. I am personally biased to this particular winter special that she does with Chocolates and fresh Strawberries (with a dark chocolate base) but I'm told her hot-seller TiramiSu cake (Su cause Suhasini), seasonal fresh fruit cake, and DWL (Dark, White, and Light) cake with chocolates are always in demand. Her cake sponge always melts in the mouth, and the simplest of flavours taste decadent. Most of her cakes are eggless and she doesn't charge extra for that. She also does exceptionally delicious cookies and donuts. If you're lucky, she'll bake you a loaf of bread too.

Casa Dulce De Nuria: Udisha Sadh in South Delhi has been previously awarded LBB's best baker in the city in 2019. A self-taught baker, her cakes and packaged desserts speak for itself. She is a chocolate and cheese nut, so expect her to do magic with any given idea that involves either. Reach out to her for customized ideas or choose from her existing menu comprising of fruit-based desserts, ice creams, tarts, granola, and cakes. All her products are eggless and she's a pure vegetarian; which is brilliant because she's recently mastered Pineapple Curd and brownies sans any egg, which is an achievement in itself, to make them taste delicious. I cannot possibly recommend her ice creams more but since we're doing a piece on cake, let's focus here. If you have to try one thing off the menu, go blindly for the cheesecake and you won't regret it.

Cake me away by Samia: Samia Ejaz is a professional home baker from South Delhi, who was introduced to me by her daughter (an intern at my old workplace) about two years ago. Since then, they have dealt with my extensive customization and nailed each cake order to perfection and I can't recommend them enough. I've tried their Rainbow Cake (vanilla flavoured in seven coloured layers) and then some with fresh Pineapple in the past. Samia is a genius with gum paste and will nail your idea into a trending cake, with her suggestions and additions over and above what you recommend. More than anything, she's comfortable doing most trendy cakes including fault-line cake, naked cakes, fondant, and cream cheese frosted cakes, which will without a doubt be fresh and absolutely delicious. I can confidently vouch for her gum paste frosted cakes to be just as delicious as cream cheese cakes, and that takes some talent to nail both just as much. Have a chat with her and place your order without hesitation. Outside of looking fancy, the taste is consistently good and worth every rupee you will pay. I've been told her loaves of bread are to die for but I'm yet to try and confirm the same on my epitaph text.

The aforementioned home baker options usually work with an advance 4-5 day notice, unless they're absolutely sold out for a specific day. They are happy to have a chat and extend courtesy in helping you pick from options if you're confused.

If you still think it’s not worth your time, doing this nonsense, do yourself a favour and put half a mind into where you’re picking your cake from. You’re supposed to make someone’s day with a dessert. Putting half a mind to it won’t kill you and you'll actually taste a better cake. In my recommendation (from Delhi NCR), I highly suggest getting the next readymade cake from either Nik Baker's, Big Chill, Defence Bakery, or Theobroma over any other store-bought cake. The key is to do some background work into the bakery/store you’re picking the dessert from and get their special. That’s as much damage control as I can recommend.

For more, you'll have to bribe me with a perfect cake and we'll get talking.